DESTRUCTION
Written by Luke Solomon
Humans are obsessed with destruction. We enjoy watching things blow up, we enjoy seeing the devastation left after a storm and watch with fascination as buildings are turned to dust. This of course is not something everyone is obsessed with, but for the benefit of conveying my point, I will generalise the entire populous.
The segment of destruction we do not focus on, nor do we watch with glee as we see it happen in front of our eyes, is self-destruction. We either choose to ignore it when we see someone making questionable life choices, or we pity them. We do not tend to call this out as self-destructive behaviour, unless of course it directly affects us.
Alright Solly, why are you talking about this? I am here for entertainment, I hear you say. Sunray has been designed to entertain(of course you knew this, I am in it) but its primary objective is to spark conversation, sure it’s something that you will enjoy, but a short time later we want it to leave you feeling like you want to explore the ‘Why?’
So with this being the idea behind this amazing project I think it is fair to have my two pence worth.
“He is a symbol of what a lot of us are, only he is the extreme. He will drink, smoke, fight, fuck and kill without any thought on the recourse of these actions.”
I was with Sammy Seeley (the creator) in a pub in late 2018 when I got involved with Sunray. It wasn’t called that then but he had an idea. We had met up because my decline in mental health had led to me being downgraded for a while, I was in counselling and seeking help, but due to some poor decisions I was no longer living in my house, I was newly single, and I was alone. The ripple effects of self-destruction. Sam was also facing his demons, he sat and asked me for help (which if you’ve ever done, you know just how fucking brave that is) he explained his tendencies to allow life to become too much and to destroy everything around him. I sat and listened, he could have been telling me my own story. Financially secure? Fucking spend it. Found a great partner? Nah she’ll only fuck me off eventually, better I do it first. Happy with work? Let's go out on a school night and turn up still drunk, what are they going to do? I don’t care anyway.
Why do we do this? Self-loathing? The desire to be a martyr to sadness? Or just finding that low level equilibrium as a safety net? If you’re here for answers you’re going to be bitterly disappointed. I am as clueless as the next man, but my own mental state leads me to search for the Why? I believe we all have our reasons, and we all have our excuses.
I am extremely fortunate to not suffer from the afflictions my on screen boss Andy does, but I still have problems. It would be remiss of me not to take this opportunity to normalise seeking help. You do not need to suffer from PTSD or survivors guilt to need help. I believe that without the push of the people around me, and being brave enough to put my hand up and say ‘I am not okay’ I would probably not be here anymore. I would have destroyed myself. I have sat and watched young lads, with beautiful pregnant girlfriends at home, gamble away their wedding savings, drink for a week straight and descend into chaos. I know that this behaviour isn’t normal, but I have seen it, and I have not acted. We are all obsessed with destruction, unless that destruction may require us to look in the mirror.
Sledge is obsessed with destruction. He will destroy doors, people, vehicles, relationships, a BFT(Basic Fitness Test) and Bangkok( yeah, the whole city) but he will most of all destroy himself. He is a symbol of what a lot of us are, only he is the extreme. He will drink, smoke, fight, fuck and kill without any thought on the recourse of these actions. We all have our vices, but Sledge has them all. Imagine having a mini Sledge in your head, encouraging you to do, and not ask why. To destroy and to hell with the consequences. That is what I feel I have, and therefore why I feel I can truly bring Sledge to life. I want people to relate, and maybe to look inside and ask Why?
The culture of self-destruction within the military (and “normal” life, I just haven’t been around that in a long time) is prevalent. So much so that as I discuss this blog with close friends within the Armed Forces and they all nod, they can tell me more than a dozen stories of people doing crazy things, things that I wouldn’t lower the tone of this blog to discuss, but it’s common place. I feel that the pressures within our modern day military do not allow for the exploration of one’s self. Are we indoctrinated? Yes, absolutely, we need to be. As an Admiral said to me recently, we are all cogs, big and small, we just need to work together. This is vital, and what we all signed up for, but with mental health issues within the military escalating, perhaps we can find a little slither between the black and the white. The sweet spot of being able to face yourself and be your own person while also being a cog in a very big wheel. This is doable, it has taken me a long time to find the courage to be myself but I feel that I am getting there. I have the confidence to stand up and say, I want to explore acting.
Self-destruction is a lot easier when you don’t feel what you’re destroying is worth much to begin with. I am not bashing the military, I am in fact having a long uphill battle trying to persuade my daughter to complete university and join up. She would enjoy the travel and the experiences, but I would never, ever let her forget, or suppress who she is. We just need to find an approach that allows you to be different, while being the same. My albeit biased opinion is that the Royal Marines do this quite well, not perfectly, but quite well. We have Corporals who have degrees in Nuclear Physics, we have young men who live in the bush of South Africa hunting poachers, we have men who have just left school and have no life experience. Each man is encouraged to stand out, all while pulling in the same direction. I speak only of my own experience, but the lads I count as brothers are all vastly unique and great Marines, but each man has self-destructive tendencies. Why else would you do 32 weeks of training at Lympstone? I told you I don’t have the answers, I just want to know Why?
We all have our vices, some more than others, vices are specifically instilled within us to destroy if not applied in moderation. Sledge doesn’t understand moderation, Sledge doesn’t give a fuck what you think, Sledge doesn’t want to look in the mirror,
But what about you?
Why don’t you take a look.